There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
