my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
