We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
