she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can you bring me the toilet please
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
