Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize