is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
