Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you would pick up someone in the library
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
