worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
