i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
