The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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