Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
