Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
