Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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