when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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