Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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