Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
