I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As shirtless as possible
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
