There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
