I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's blow job season.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize