How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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