Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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