The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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