Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
