girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
