I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
