There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
