It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
