I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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