Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
