if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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