I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
