Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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