Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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