so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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