Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
