I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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