i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
