The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
