garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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