well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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