There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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