My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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