2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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