Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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