Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
