I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
