Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
