i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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