It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
