wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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