I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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