people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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