someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
