I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
