Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
