I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
