man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
