Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cannot find my penis.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
