Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
