I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
