But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
