I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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