I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
