Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
