i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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