the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
