He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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