Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
