yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
