i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize