I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
