Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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