i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
