I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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