i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
