just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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