i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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