Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
