I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
