Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
