Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
